One more week, one more month, six more months… this is how you push yourself out of a murky hole of extreme sadness and grief.
Time! You stay present in your struggle. You grow skinny, messy, almost unrecognisable in your own eyes. Ever so often, you collapse into tears wailing, shaking in a corner. You struggle to catch a breath and inhale two desperate, defeating gasps of oxygen with every blub. You are shattered into pieces. How do you survive yourself by yourself?
In the fullness of time, you map your fear and anxiety and learn your way around it. It then gets through your head that you are an integral part of the universe! You have every entitlement to take part in the workings of the universe and let your feelings be known.
You wear your heart on your sleeve!
You show strength!
You cry; you are only human!
But you also learn not to give yourself a chance to fall apart because when you do, it becomes a tendency and it happens over and over again. You practice staying solid!
You take on the custodial responsibility for the maintenance of your own soul. You accept that this is destiny and you are the administrator of your own redemption!
You accept the terms of the universe and find peace within yourself to embrace what you are incapable of understanding. YOULET GO☺️
“Pro 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”
Mama did her part; thank you Jennifer!
Living in the city is overwhelming. Education, work and home for now! While in school, you make friends, you have dreams, you live at the mercy of people (for those who are lucky to have a support system).
The confusion that comes from being a student is depressing; you just met a guy/girl you liked so you have to put your best foot forward. You are not sure of the course you are pursuing. You are broke. You are not sure you’ll succeed in the job market.
Life moves so fast; and in the city even faster. You are grown and you make decisions for yourself. To party or not, to date or not, to attend classes or not, to start a business or not, to have good/bad influence around.
Parent’s teachings come to play. To walk in their counsel or to create your own path and find out for yourself!
Nairobi in particular is a handful. The city hands over everything to you: Freedom, drugs, friends, hustle, lover, name it all. Life here moves faster. Faster than the speed of light.
The ugliness and the beauty of the city is served proportionally. In this concrete jungle, you are never certain of making out of it alive. You struggle to stay alive; at work, to keep your lover, to secure a home, clenching on your bag and life. Do not forget how crossing roads is an extreme sport.
For a country man, city life is a damnation itself. You have to bring your awakening; being in tune with your higher self into a fast paced complexity. This is where it thrives!
The city disappoints, we enjoy regardless. From this concrete, we rise to Glory… If you are not suited, it destroys!
Sis, it hurts but it heals. They say ‘trust the process’, yes! This process will make you stronger, wiser and you’ll fall in love with the final product. You will forget about the nights you were a mess, covering your mouth so no one would hear you cry. You will forget about that sharp pain that is ripping you to shreds. For now just breathe, breathe.
One day, this will be a distant memory. It’s hard to talk about it I know. Those words are held hostage by tears so you stutter every time you want to speak out. You have lost control of your emotions and you just enjoy the warmth of your bed. At least it does not judge you for being human. You speak with caution afraid that they’ll see what a mess you have become. You try to steady your feelings that shake their way out. Do not hold it back. Just crumble if you have to. It’s gets better I promise. One day you’ll stand and not shatter. You will get your power back!
You will break a thousand times over trying to get back. Those busted pieces will give you a new experience of confidence and strength. It is not easy to stay up though. Getting back up is the hardest; you are a mix up of whole and broken, ugly and beautiful, strong and weak, enough and nothing. These pieces of you are glamorous, a very beautiful solution and you will keep them in your heart forever.
This process, is your becoming. It’s gritty, it’s hard, it’s confusing and it’s hard to deal with yourself. You will come across your personal version of happiness. Your split knuckles will gain strength to stand. You crumbled what was left of your self worth but you’re becoming more aware. You are reinventing yourself. The right song will play and you will fall in love with every lyric and every chord. You are a cracked perfection!
Time to time we go through situations and we forget the importance of body and mental wellness. It is much easier to focus on what’s going wrong rather than everything else that is going right. There is nothing wrong with working towards making something go your way, but how do we do it? Embracing a fitness routine can help you face a dark situation with a winning attitude. Sometimes we leave work outs for athletes, overweights or fitness enthusiasts.
Depression and anxiety can bring inactivity and social isolation. A fitness journey however, can give you a break from damaging self talk and concerns weighing you down. It is obvious to assume that physical exercise may not be fundamental for mental health issues. Research has shown that excercising stimulates the production of hormones endorphins and enkaphalins which gives the body a natural feel good vibe and a conquer the world attitude. They make you feel like your problems are manageable.
Depression and emotional imbalance is mostly identified by cognitive inflexibility. The brain is unable to process and concede available information. This is due to repeated unconstructive behaviours. Cognitive inflexibility deters your ability to see what is already at disposal or what your beliefs are in order to come up with solutions.
Excercising is a win win; you will look good (body goals), gain some muscle 😊 as time travels and feel good every day you work out. It improves your self-esteem and also increases blood circulation in your brain to improve your mood. You become more productive and detach from bad energy through excercising. Work it out!
This is just a tip that has helped me over time. Our opinions may differ.
Also, talk to someone who will not say “utakuwa poa” 😂
This is just a short opinionated piece. If we can assess the damage a crisis might cause then, why don’t we avoid it. We can evade it, not entirely but the damage will be minimal.
We can save Kenya by saving the planetary ecosystem. Issues of flood, drought and famine cannot be eradicated but we can manage them. Yesterday we were dying of hunger, today we are complaining of floods. We can avoid the recurrence of drought and famine by transferring the surplus rain water to areas of water deficit. What happens? Due to poor drainage systems the water goes to waste. It mixes with dirt and plastics and flows back to the rivers killing aquatic animals. Double tragedy! The rivers also can’t contain high flows from upper catchments due to heavy rainfall. Flooding therefore occurs, causing loss of lives and damage of property (Solai Dam tragedy). We should focus on storage of water projects, extension and renovation of the existing projects. We can have more ground water exploration to avoid cases of drought. Deviation of rainfall and nature is natural in all climatic regions but we can be more responsible if we had a close integration of water storage and land use.
We just met. Our connection was instantaneous, we clicked on the count of one. When you said ‘Hi’ I felt like I had known you from somewhere, like we had met before. Can we say that’s the thing with soulmates? I don’t know. You tell me.
We vibed. That day, I knew you were never going to work for my attention. Well, usually spartans don’t play cool. They do not pretend not to like you so once it’s off the ground, you can take it slow. I appreciated the attention I thought I had earned. You would put me on a high for days and take a second to put an anchor around my feet and drown me. Haha.
You looked happier with every meet up. Your wide smile, unending laughter, I would see stars in your eyes, they were twinkling… for someone else’s sky.
My heart was heavy. I broke my heart! I lost my power when I let you see parts of me that were not so beautiful. My knees got weak and my legs were unsteady. Whenever I lay down, I would feel my muscles shrink. My eyes… They still cry for you because I always let you in. I am still ripping my heart every time I let you… you’re welcome!
Books no longer soothe my soul. Music makes me teary, no song calms my nerves any more 😭 I’ve rummaged all pieces that make me up and my strength is torn. Every piece I collect to plaster myself back pricks me. It hurts!
Will these wounds and cracks ever make sense?
Will I be able to stand back up whole?
Should I let you? Let you…💔 maybe bring it back when you’re done breaking it like you do?
In a few years you will turn 20. You will be prime, glowing and growing in all areas. Everyone will want to associate with you. Every guy will be hopeful to date you; it could be submarining, breadcrumbing, cushioning or a serious relationship. As long as they have a taste of your intellectuality or body! It is the thickest part of modern dating. In this culture, you have to craft the perfect act of getting your ideal guy.
Sis, at this age you will choose dependence or independence. ‘Girls who don’t open their legs do not get free things.’ ~Anonymous. Yes, but you have the freedom to choose!
It is the stage you feel most confused, unfocused, stressing when you feel a pimple on your face, not sure of what you want to pursue in future… This stage is horrendously damned. You will find yourself reacting to everything too sensitively. Stay grounded despite! Do not ruminate your mind with unimportant events.
You will find everything damn complicated. No relationship is working out, your friends change their circles of interaction, your parents growing old and retiring… You become passive aggressive.
Sis, despite all the pressure, you must hack this stage. Hurl yourself into the life you’ve always deemed right. Isn’t it about choice? Hype yourself up!
It is the vigorous enthusiasm for the simple pleasures that will make life worth living. They will inspire you to love and live wholeheartedly. Your constant exuberantness will push you to celebrate your small wins and you will be proud of yourself. Build yourself up!
“Nothing ever ends poetically. It ends and we turn it into poetry. All that blood was never once beautiful, it was just RED” Kait Rokowski.
She is a modern lady with an old soul and a heart broken beyond repair, but she is hopeful.❤️;
She hopes to find love in its rawness. A love that is reciprocated; given and received. Love that will see through her nakedness. She wears her heart on her sleeves and her emotions on her face. She does not want to be confined in the menacles of an almost or a fall back kind of love.
She won’t be strung along until he decides he was never interested in investing in her anyway because she doesn’t play cool. She does not know how to look aloof so she shoots her shot. She experiences a rainbow of emotions. She believes in love and in missing someone. She feels with no restraint.
She will want to run away, delete all the texts, his phone number and unfollow him on social media to save herself but she thinks, “no it’s a flawed plan.” You will be on her mind, so she won’t dodge the pain. She still cares.
Pain is what defines her strength. She would rather be strong than indifferent. She chooses to collect her pieces together and mend her heart. She still hopes. She believes all that she has gone through will make sense. Her eyes, will shine bright again. She still believes in love.
All she ever searched for was a human in a world full of people.✌️
COMPROMISED HEALTH AND EDUCATION
Its so sad that I had to start a blog to complain but I don’t care if this is the way I want to express my self.
Anyway, let me get started with the so called jubilee government. Haha..Kiraithe admitted it on national television that the government has a huuuuuuuuuuuge amount of money set apart for corruption. Be that as it may, doctors and lecturers are on strike. I’m here wondering😕this cool jubilee government with a dabbing president doesn’t care about the education and health of Kenyans. Wait…they can afford treatment in private hospitals or abroad so it does not affect them. As for the schools, their children study abroad to get quality education. Why would they use Kenyans money paid as taxes to grow richer and richer and richer? THEY DONT CARE. Remember the NYS scandal. Needless to say more because we all got angry and whined about it and the thieves are free(untouchables).It is sad that we have to pay taxes to help families of a few people grow richer while we can’t get education because they cannot pay our poor lecturers and fulfil their promise to the doctors. Keep in mind that they will dig deep in the treasury to ensure free and fair nominations. Jubilee Jubilee government you are failing, you have already failed. Before you think about nominations at least, think about the doctors and the lecturers. If these people vie as independent candidates we will still vote anyway. I’m not saying I’ll vote you in.Meanwhile kura yangu siri yangu.
Its now 74 days and doctors are still on strike. Which government compromises the health of its citizens? It’s only in Kenya.
We have scandals left, right and center.Let’s just admit it that Kenya is in a national crisis. Should all the civil servants go on strike for the government to understand the weight Kenya’s current situation? Something has to be done!!!